Per Bastemhet

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Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

– Margaret Atwood, The Year of the Flood


I’ve put religion on the back burner as a I try to sort out what it is I’m supposed to do with it.  I’ve gone through that honeymoon period where you initiate contact with Deity, marvel at the fact that there (quite probably) exists another facet to reality that you were previously unaware of (and continue to be not quite sure of).  My question is, though, what are you supposed to do with it?  And then: Do I have to do anything with it?

Apart from the religious themed dystopian novels I’ve been reading, (e.g. Oryx and Crake, The Year of the Flood, The Sparrow, Children of God, A Thread of Grace, etc., all quite good by the way) I’ve just started on a book that compares the 4 classes of knowledge: Science, Philosophy, Occultism and Mysticism, in which the author begins by speaking of the history of how scientific positivism has caused the divorce of the seeking of spiritual knowledge from the knowledge of the physical world (in other words, secularism).  I haven’t finished yet, but this does raise some interesting questions. 

I see myself now as the inevitable product of a Western 20th century line of thinking.  My younger self, first getting a taste of spirituality thanks to the forays into my father’s Presbyterian church (and at once being turned off by its tactics; we were asked to let Jesus live in our hearts but he did not deign to knock on my heart’s door), then evolving into an arrogant certainty that the ridiculous philosophical arguments for God were bunk, (but of course, if you set up a straw man just to knock it down, how could you not revel in your own intellectual prowess?) only to continue to seek that spiritual component to life; name it, grasp it, add it to the collection of knowledge already forming in my brain as I constantly adjust my definition of reality.  Yes, Bast “touched” me, but it seems she grew bored and hasn’t since communicated to me as directly.  This tormented me for quite a long time, until I asked myself why it was even necessary.

Sacrilege!  You mean you can have a religious context in which to live but not worship Deity as well?  How dare you?!

Actually, I take an understanding of Ma’at as I have it, informed by ancient texts and modern interpretations, to eck out some kind of proscriptive morality that is so general and wide open that in the end I rely on context to ultimately decide the next appropriate action.  That, along with my suspicion that the silent man (mentioned in the wisdom texts) is kind of a symbol of the introvert and their positive aspects helps me to integrate myself more into society.  Don’t speak if you’re going to blabber.  Consider the feelings of others.  Be fair and wise in your judgments.  Kind of like an ancient “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”

Going back to my inevitableness…I found in my horoscope portrait (don’t laugh!) that Mercury and the Moon are in opposition to each other.  This means I’m doomed to have my intellectual capabilities always in conflict with my inner feelings and intuition.  I guess it’s fate. (btw I don’t know if I believe in fate)  But then again, I think this is more a larger cultural issue than mine own personal one.  Or is it the Human Condition? (uck, now I’m getting pedantic)

I have no definitive answer.  Neither am I trying to look for a One Truth to which all roads ultimately lead.  I’ve long since given that up in favor of the slippery polyvalent logic that allows me to accept as true many conflicting things as long as their spiritual truths coincide at some point.  Neither have I renounced the existence of Other beings, Other reality, Other worlds, even. (I believe in Equal Opportunity)  But I think that’s OK.  That’s part of being human.  I am un-training myself to focus on only the seen and physical (and thus, the quantifiable).  Yet neither am I collecting alternative healing or spiritual modalities like Pokemon.  This is a natural process as I become more myself.

Back to the initial question: What am I supposed to do with this gnosis of the Other?  I dare to posit another question: Do I have to do anything with it?  For now, I’m assimilating.  I don’t have anymore expectations about how Deity is supposed to interact with me, or what they’re supposed to grant me as one of their “chosen.”* (please don’t read more into this word than there really is)  At this point, it’s sort of like, help me if you will, and I’ll appreciate it.  But neither will I go attributing what little successes I have if I didn’t involve the gods in the process in the first place and neither did they make it obvious to me that they had a hand in it.  Do gods need a pat on the back for doing the right thing?  I like to think they’re above that, doing whatever gods do, playing cards wherever they are, maybe.*  In the meantime, I see this process not as a spiritual crisis, but an organic development of a spiritual identity, somewhat blocked by the antics of a near 3 year old and constant lack of sufficient funding for daily life.  I’m the metaphysical chicken running around with no head, if you will.



p.s. Bast, if you read this, it wouldn’t hurt to drop in every once in a while.  You may get some good stuff out of it.  I’m game if you are.  Do ut des, and all that.  I don’t mean to be (too) flippant.  Really, come ‘round.

p.p.s. Seshat, saucy siren of sophia, hope you liked this meandering muddle of words.  Or rather, please forgive the intellectual ego masturbation.

p.p.p.s. Please to forgive the excess of parenthetical asides.  I often annoy myself more than anyone else.


Written by Bastemhet

August 21, 2014 at 10:47 am

Posted in daily life

Merry Moomas!

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It’s a bit late, but I wish everyone a happy holidays.  And as far as a Kemetic slant goes, do check this blog post out. 

Written by Bastemhet

December 26, 2013 at 10:45 am

Posted in daily life, Myth

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On the Path

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You may remember this post that I wrote on Monday about my religious crisis and not being able to feel Bast’s presence in my life despite repeated attempts to understand her and what role she should play in my life.  Although I had been concerned about this for quite some time, it had always stayed on the list of “things I need to take care of just as soon as I stop having too much stress from current life concerns” which includes things like working so that I could put food on the table and clothes on my family’s back since my husband is unemployed.  That blog post was sort of a last ditch effort to assimilate and try to digest what it was that was happening to me, because the religious lack in my life was only part of the problem.  Well, I’m happy to say that just one day later, I received an answer in the form of messages embedded in articles I found online.  Once I realized she had listened, I was filled with a peace that I hadn’t known in a long time.  Bast didn’t give me peace- she led me to it.  She showed me the door, and waited for me to walk through.  She shows me the path and I walk ahead in joy, in thanks.

I think the catalyst was particularly this post found on Fanny Fae’s blog.  It talks about how relationships take work, and it’s the same with a relationship with Netjer.  It also mentions how many people only try to speak with the gods when they need something.  This is an immature way to approach the netjeru and I realize this is what I’ve basically been doing.  I mentioned before that I’ve changed and grown as a person but unfortunately my relationship with Bast didn’t reflect this.  She led me to see that post in order to communicate this to me. 

I asked myself before what kind of relationship I wanted.  Fanny Fae talks about why she works with her gods:

Relationships take work. I am willing to do the work, make the effort, not just because I want something, or that I hope to get anything out of it except a clearer sense of myself and where I am going, the world and how I can be in it and assist others, not just myself.

Remarkably this is exactly the reason why I do Reiki, and am interested in developing myself spiritually further than where I’m at right now (I’ve also found a very useful guide on how to maintain the body of one who practices magic or uses energy).  The relationship I have with Bast is part of this process.  I don’t usually come to Bast with something I want her to fix or want her to give me.  It’s mostly a matter of “I’m stuck.  I don’t know how to move forward.  Show me the way so I can help myself.”  And from Fanny Fae’s post I found another post speaking from a Christian p.o.v. but no less useful.  I found particularly helpful the questions included at the bottom of the post.  It’s as if Bast is showing me that she understands my analytical mind, and even went so far as to provide me the questions I need to ask myself in order to have a good idea of what I want from our mutual relationship.

But I think the most important takeaway message that she’s given me was that relationships take work- something I’ve always been rather dim witted with even with just other humans, let alone divine beings.  She wants me to include her in more of my every day life concerns.  Because even though it’s clear that I am to respect her, that doesn’t mean that she can’t be a part of my daily life.  And I heartily agree.  From here I will be taking small steps to commune with her, appreciate her influence in my life, and let her know how I’m doing, while providing offerings of food along the way.  I think what she’ll value the most, however, is my offering of time.  I dedicate very little of it to myself compared with all the demands that outside influences make of me, so this, for me, is a difficult thing for me to do.  But I’m just glad that I’ve gotten somewhere.  Now the real work begins.

Written by Bastemhet

December 7, 2013 at 2:37 pm

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In a dream.  Mother but not her.  The body is different but the essence the same.  The body shifts, melds, there she is.  She smiles sadly.  She wants to talk to me, tell me many things.  She can’t say much, something pulls her away.  It’s always the same.  She tells me she misses having her senses.  To see, to touch, to taste, to hear, to feel.

In that place between dreaming and waking I wonder, how can you see me without seeing?

Written by Bastemhet

December 2, 2013 at 11:13 am

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I know I haven’t posted recently, and I suppose my religious activity has taken a backseat to a lot of very difficult life events.  It’s sad that that’s one of the first things to go when other priorities come calling.  Actually, recently (by recently I mean sometime within the last few months) I had yet another one of those screaming, crying, Bast my goddess won’t you help me in SOME way type breakdowns (I’m sure some of you may have experienced this at some point), and for the first time I in a LONG time I got a clear response from her.

In her typical distant, unattached way, she asked me a very good question that was also like a slap in the face.

“What do you want?”


But after a few seconds it got me thinking.  I wasn’t actually being that clear on what I wanted from her.  From the beginning, she had been clear with me that the type of relationship we had was I was to grovel, she was the master.  She was the supreme, I was the peon.  And I admit, in this kind of relationship I don’t see any cuddling.  Actually. my akh grandmother has been a HUGE emotional support to me in these troubling times, much more than Bast has been.  And I suspect that Bast has helped me in her own way, giving me opportunities and leading me to advance without actually making it very obvious that it was thanks to her.  But I really need to ask myself as clearly as she asked me…what do I want from her?  What kind of relationship do I need with her?  What am I willing to put in?  What should my expectations be?  I mean, should I even bother at all?  How far does faith stretch until it snaps?

That question has been posed and I have yet to answer it.  And I wish it weren’t that way, because serving her in the past has been a source of great spiritual fulfillment for me.  However, my life has changed, my circumstances have changed, my priorities have changed, my resources have changed, and I think I’ve also changed.  I need to be honest with myself about what kind of place Bast has in my life now, whether that place is still warm and welcoming, or is actually becoming strained.  In no way, shape, or form am I denouncing her.  I guess this would be more like a break than anything else. (fuck, how juvenile, but there you go)

I still love Bast.  I still believe she forms an important part of my life.  She’s a touchstone for everything religious that I believe in.  She’s the glue that holds my belief in Ma’at, in the forces unseen, in the paragon of the Silent Man together.  Without her existence, my world wouldn’t make any fucking sense.

But does that mean we have to be buddies?  Do I have to be close to her?  Do I need to consult her in my daily activities?  Do I have to tend my altar as a home if she’s never going to stay in it?  Because I still believe that a relationship is give and take, and I’ve seen myself giving but never even having her answer the damn godphone.  I’ve had enough of people blowing me off and as awesome as she is, I’m not cool with her doing it either.  Perhaps I haven’t been clear, either, in what I want from her.  She told me that with that one powerful question.

Fuck, if I ever figure it out, I’ll write it here.  But I have a feeling this will take some time.

Written by Bastemhet

December 2, 2013 at 11:02 am

Posted in Bast, daily life

Personal Update

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So, a while back I made a Spiritual To-Do List in hopes of getting myself organized and trying to do more of the spiritual stuff that I wanted to do.  However, life had other plans for me.  Two days later I got sick for about a week, a couple weeks pass by and then I´m sick yet again.  I was doing distance reiki healing and my paper with my symbols mysteriously disappears.  Shouldn´t be a problem, you´re supposed to memorize them, right?  Wrong.  The distance symbol is a Japanese kanji that has 22 strokes in specific directions.  I did not remember that one and thus, the reiki giving got cut off.  I still can´t find that paper.  But I could just look on the internet, right?  Actually, the internet got cut off the next day because my husband forgot to pay the bill, and by the time it was back I lost all the spoons to do so (and I think I was getting sick again at this time).  So yeah, my life keeps getting derailed and I am floundering to keep up.  I have very few spoons and spend a lot of them trying to take care of myself and my sick baby daughter.

I received the Nefertari´s Tarot finally, and I haven´t even worked with them yet due to being smacked with fever.  I did get a chance to open and look at them and I have to say I´m somewhat disappointed.  Yes, the gold foil is shiny and pretty, but what pisses me off is that on every card there is a gold swirl pattern on the background, and if there aren´t a lot of other basic images then everything gets swallowed up in the shiny.  It´s very distracting.  Shouldn´t be a problem for veteran card readers who have the symbolism memorized already, but it might be a problem for me who hasn´t worked with tarot in a long time.  This is what I get for making expensive impulse buys.  I´m going to try and use them anyway a bit to see if I can work with them, but really nothing could´ve prepared me for the shiny besides opening the package and actually seeing them.  Cameras cannot capture the actual shiny.

So, cleaning the house?  Again, no spoons, to the point that I´m considering asking someone to come help clean a bit because I am desperate and tired, which is ridiculous because I don´t make a ton of money and I´m even embarrassed to let strangers into my house even if they´re there to clean it for the state it´s in.  I don´t care about the astral.  I don´t care about dream travel.  I find that doing reiki for people when I´m sick tends to make my own sickness bounce back with more force because I´m shit at shielding and grounding.

Just…ugh, generally.  I think I´m going to make myself a hot chocolate and start another book instead of cleaning the huge pile of dirty dishes in my kitchen.  It´s just one of those days.  Maybe I´ll do a divination to see if the deck I bought wants to work with me.  If not, another poor purchase to add to the list.

Written by Bastemhet

January 18, 2013 at 11:10 am

Posted in daily life

Spiritual To-Do List

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1. Cleanse ALL the house.  Make natron spray bottle.

2. Install reiki power symbol / harmony symbol in all rooms and on top of all doors, windows, mirrors, vents, etc.

3. Install reiki sleep button for dream travel.

4. Dream journal…?

5. Ask Bast if she’s cool I do some Shadow Work with Set.  Lavish her with love, praise, and chocolate.

6. Figure out personal shielding?  Can probably just use reiki power symbol again, no need to get complicated.

7. Continue with my 21 day cleanse, which started on the 21st.  End date: Jan. 10.

8. Figure out a way to meld my thoughtform with a servitor sigil to keep the nasties out.

9. Study Sekhem and see if there are any parallels with reiki energy, or if my intuition is correct, see if they’re the same.

10. Execration ritual against fear of darkness, also do a divination about it.

11. Try to get a local reiki share up.

12.  And if this isn’t enough, do some actual studying for once because I need to contribute to the KIN blog.

Hopefully get most of this shit done BEFORE break is over and I have to get back to work.  Yeah, I’m not busy at all.

Written by Bastemhet

December 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

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